Ceasefire

An unfortunate requirement of my profession is an exorbitant amount of time spent "in the field." This is where the vast majority of continuous training occurs. Those three words aren't always implying the same place on a map and they definitely don't refer to anything resembling a field. It most recently has reflected something more akin to a jungle. I'm not exactly sure just how much I am allowed to talk about in regard to my training with the anonymous strangers of the blogoverse. Let's just suffice it to say my training is very intense, professional, painful, stressful, and lengthy. If we hadn't volunteered for this it would constitute torture. When it is all said and done, it is expected only 5% or less of those who started this training and testing will remain to see completion. I've already beat the odds thus far and stand in the successful minority, roughly 25% of the starting field.

With all this said, I bid thee all a momentary farewell as I venture back out to the field for some more fun. I will be completely out of contact with the civilized world for the next 5-10 weeks. I'll be back then with some wildly amusing stories, I'm sure. I'm not permitted to bring my camera so I can't play photographer and share my perspective outside of the typed word. As Cartman puts it all too aptly, "Screw you guys...I'm going home."

Sacrifice

An excerpt from a now nearly two year old journal entry:

"There are a lot of fathers, mothers, husbands, wives, sons, daughters, brothers, and sisters out there that could very well likely rely on the assistance I might bring. To ask them to sacrifice of themselves so dearly while I do nothing didn’t seem like a very honorable or ethical decision. I did not like feeling as if I was avoiding one responsibility in favor of another. Service to my country is just as important a duty as being the best daddy I can be for Angel Dot(AD). I’ve sacrificed long enough on AD’s behalf and now both she and I need to sacrifice for the greater good. As cold and harsh as that may sound, AD agrees with me that I need to go help all the other daddies so they can come home safe to their little boys and girls. When the need is apparent to a 3 year old…it should be just plain obvious to everyone else."

She and I knew then, in an effort to improve the world in our tiny way, we were going to have to make many sacrifices. My daughter is wise and intelligent beyond her handful of years. She, more than any other adult who "knew" me, understood exactly why Daddy was marching off in combat boots to protect her tomorrows.

Daddy & AD sacrificed:
-Daddy & Dot days(our name for the time we spent, just her and I)
-Dot's 4th and very soon 5th birthday
-Two snowboard seasons(she learned snowboarding when she was 2)
-Two fishing seasons(boy howdy that girl can cast)
-Dot's 1st day in karate, her first stripe, several more, and her first promotion
-Dot's 1st day at school
-Several projects in our workshop(she, like Daddy, loves tools and hard work)
-Water gun duels, mud pie baking, hikes, and trips to her mountains
-Way too many hugs, kisses, I love you's, cuddly naps, and tickle matches

I am sure there will be many more to add to this list as time continues to pass. We talked at length, over several weeks, about what our decision would mean for the both of us. I had thought we'd covered it all and I had glossed over the sacrifices which would be mine alone to make. They were and still are small in comparison to those AD and I share. Maybe some day soon I'll fill everyone in on them, just not today. Daddy loves you Angel Dot.

To backfill some information: AD's Mommy and I have been separated now 2.5 years. Earlier in AD's life I would affectionately call her "daughter" or "my daughter" in direct reference when I would talk with her. IE: "Come here daughter and we'll go change your stinky diapey." AD's Mommy didn't like the reference at all and called it callous and cold hearted(something she knows a lot about by perfecting the method on me). So in an effort to appease Mommy and keep things amicable I changed it to Dot/Dottie. The Angel reference comes from her birth, where the doctor commented about her difficult passage into this world being on account of her angel wings getting a little caught on her way out. My ensuing nervous, yet genuine, laughter alerted my Dottie that Daddy(that guy with the really goofy laugh she loved to hear while in the womb) was right there. This is when she first opened her eyes to transfix mine. Time stopped dead in its tracks in that moment...and so did I.